You Can't Always Fix Everything

Hello again, I hope you guys have had a great week so far. I am going to be talking about a topic that has been difficult for me to understand and that has presented itself largely in my day to day life in college.

Growing up, my parents taught me that if I ever had an issue with someone the best way to deal with it was to talk to them about it, nicely, and try to resolve it. Although I have not always followed the "nicely" part, I believe in talking out issues. I was always taught relationships (friendships, etc.) were not meant to be thrown away after one argument, or disagreement, nor were problems to be ignored.
Although I haven't been in college for very long I have been thrown a lot of issues that I was not expecting to have. Through that, I have had to figure out ways to deal with them. It has been difficult, to say the least, but it has helped me grow, and able to let me be more independent. In this case, I am talking about roommates. But this can apply to a lot of different situations. Though some people share a room with multiple people, I share a room with only one other person. To say it nicely, it has been awful.  For most people, it is that they either love or hate their roommate, there really is no middle. I had no one I was close to come to my university, so I was placed with a random person. Sometimes it works out flawlessly, but other times, like in my case, it just doesn't work. No matter who you get, whether you like them or don't it isn't easy. It gets difficult because in college people come from everywhere, and from those different places are different values, and ways of living. When someone has different morals, values, and is the exact opposite of you, it becomes difficult. At home, I had my own room, and my sister and I shared a bathroom. It was nice because when I wanted to be alone I could go up to my room and be alone and not be bothered. I did not realize how much I miss having a space to myself, because there are times when everyone really does need that alone time. When it becomes especially difficult is when the other person does not know how, or does not want to communicate. I have not had the best time here, so the last thing I want to come back to is a hostile roommate, and a bad vibe in the room. Through dealing with it though I have realized that there is only so much you can control. No matter how many times you talk to someone, you can only do so much. If someone is a mean spirited person, or they just don't care, there isn't much you can do. That has been hard for me to realize. I am one of those people who can be ridiculously lazy, but at the same time, if I really want something, I will do anything in my power to get it. So, when I can not make something better no matter how hard I try it is frustrating beyond belief, but I guess it is a good lesson to learn now versus later. Like they say, "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink it."

Tips:
1. Look for a roommate early
This will help you get someone who is a good fit for you and will make it less stressful.

2. Ask if your school has a website to find a roommate
My school had a website that matched you with people who had similar lifestyles to your own and had a place where you could talk and message each other.  Most of my friends found their roommates there and it is perfect because only people who are admitted to the school can use it!

3. Ask the tough questions
I regret not asking questions that were important. It does not matter if you are friends with your roommate, or if you have things in common. What matters is that you can live well together.
Are you introverted, extroverted? What time do you usually go to bed? Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Are people aloud to spend the night? Who, when? How will you deal with a disagreement? Have this in writing, because then you can hold the other person accountable.

4. Try talking to your roommate
Present the problem in a nice way and try coming up with a compromise. It may help, if it doesn't it's okay! Shit happens.

5. Talk to your CM
Every dorm has a CM or RA or someone who is there specifically to help make dorm life run smoothly. Mine is a blessing. It sounds stupid, but even if you don't want to get them involved directly, talking about how to deal with it helps immensely, at least for me it did. If you do want them to, they can meet with both of you and be the mediator. I have not done that, but I have friends who have and they say it worked well

6. Try to switch
This is good and bad advice. It could possibly get worse. For me, I am leaving in 30 days, so there isn't a point, but you just have to decide if you want to take the risk of the person being even more awful than your original roommate. Or it could be 1000 times better.

If you feel the need feel free to email me!
Take care,
Taylor